Foolish Cat January 2nd, 2008

Does anyone really believe that the refusal of late-night talk show hosts to show up for work these last two months had anything to do with solidarity? Really?

Then you’re a blundering fool! Here’s why:

Blue collar workers risking their lives and the lives of their families, as well as their freedom, occupations, and reputations, for years under an oppressive blanket of communism, is solidarity; hundred-millionaires taking two months off during the holidays is called a vacation.

Now, that isn’t to say that the hiatus didn’t have anything to do with the writer’s strike. Of course it did. Late Night, The Tonight Show and several others have largely become sketch and stand-up comedy shows, including the all-important monologues that set the tones of each show, and require daily, topical humor. Clearly, the sudden absence of writers would mean there would be no shows for the next, I don’t know, two weeks. At least. Topical humor isn’t something you can keep in the can until you need it - that’s as ridiculous as saving news for a slow day. It would take time to find people talented enough who are willing to risk their future writing careers to fill in. And even if you decided to change to a more improvisational, interview-heavier format, with a smaller reliance on writing, that would still take a few weeks to arrange and prepare for. And besides, Thanksgiving is coming, and Christmas is right around the corner, and…

And that’s fine, just say that! Don’t present yourselves as martyrs, sacrificing the glory of your fame and riches in support of those you depend on. We know you depend on them, so just say, “We don’t feel we’ll be able to do a quality show without the writers who work here, so we’ll be taking a hiatus until the strike ends or until the beginning of the year, whichever comes first.” Or, even more refreshing, “Since the writer’s have decided to strike, I have decided that this is the perfect opportunity to cruise my new 90 foot yacht down the Mexican Riviera for a couple of months.” I’d respect that more.

And now, of course, the late night heads have the perfect excuse for returning: the other employees on the show, since they aren’t working, are suffering hardships, and they can’t sit by and watch this happen. It is their duty to return.

Please.

Now, I’m not saying that these folks aren’t going through tough times - they’re out of work, of course they are - but what a coincidence that Jay, Dave, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, and Craig Ferguson, all have the exact same time frame for what is too long to be out of work! Amazing!

Here’s what should have been said: “We gave a couple months to show some support for the writers, but this really isn’t our fight and before the public stops caring about us entirely, it’s time we came back. So here we are! And, as a side note, we’re really happy to be putting some good people back to work as well.”

And why did these guys feel the need to join this fight in the first place? I mean, do they really know the profit margins of DVD sales or understand the language of the current WGA contract? I’m sure not one has actually even read it. Neither have I. No one has. We just read what the lawyers say on both sides and decide who we like better. Most of us just assume that Big Business is screwing the little guy, so we go with the writers.

And what’s so great about writers? I mean, I know they think they’re great the same way doctors, lawyers, gardeners, manicurists, or whoever thinks they’re great, but why do Jay and Dave and Jon Stewart think so? Would these guys have walked off if the wardrobe department or hairstylists went on strike? Would they have been as compelled to solidarity?

I think not.

I think that it was important for these guys to show America that “See, it’s not me that’s screwing up your routine every night from 8 until whenever! I’m throwing my weight around trying to bring this thing to an end! I love you all and will miss you terribly but dammit, I’m going to do my part to get Grey’s Anatomy back on the air!”

And again, I don’t have a problem with any of these reasons for your absences, just don’t pretend it’s about something important.

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